V.P.’s Neighborhood

Peace.

Yesterday, after spending the week with my sister and her boyfriend, we were on the long drive back to my mother's house. We started talking about the impressions we form of other people. Literally, what we take away from them during the time we have been in their company. Not the surface level impression of general likability, but the deeper layers that give us the general sensation of compatibility with our own patterns of behavior.

My sister's boyfriend gave me his interpretation of who I was when we were first introduced. Notably, he commented that I seemed to be the type of person who was very firm, very solid in knowing what I believe and what I know to be true for me. Paraphrasing briefly, he told me that I was someone who seemed most at peace and content when left to my own space...and that I seemed to grow uneasy or unsettled after too long a period with clusters or large groups of people.

His assessment was correct.

Today's daily newsletter in my mailbox from the DailyOm included my horoscope. Here's just a brief snippet of the message today:

...Your house, apartment, or even your bedroom can become a sanctuary that nurtures your soul and allows you to reconnect with your inner self. Freed from outer-world distractions, you can take care of personal chores, spend time pursuing enlightenment, or simply putter around the house. Home may offer feelings of comfort and contentment that you can’t find anywhere else... - DailyOm, Cancer Horoscope, July 5th

Creating sanctuary.

I chuckled. After I got home last night I was full and pleased to have spent time with my baby sister, my little jewel. But I was also eager to go home and re-orient my space to what I needed it to be. I burned sage through each of the rooms while in prayer, I followed it with sweetgrass to replace whatever had been removed with lightness and comfort. I burned sandalwood oil, I sat quietly and soaked it all in. As much fun as I had with her...I was off kilter, having immersed myself in so much energy that was not my own. I couldn't hear myself. And I get cagey and anxious when I cannot feel my own spirit in the company of other souls.

I believe a soul's spirit leaves a resin wherever it's been. You can feel it when you walk into a room and you experience an immediate shift in your disposition. From happy to anxious or indifferent to angry. Sometimes it's good. Like when you walk into your grandmother's home and you immediately feel a sense of peace and groundedness that washes over you like sunshine. Sometimes it can be jarring, like walking into a room where an argument occured and you suddenly feel filled with tension and conflict. We all leave an imprint on the space we've been in. And It can be difficult at times to distinguish your own feelings and moods from another. Some are more sensitive to it than others.

The more souls you have entering your space, the more you take in and process. Whether you consciously want to or not.  Sometimes, it is simply too much for me to take in. Many times, I simply don't want the energy that's being offered to me. After having lots of traffic in my home or disruption to the order in which I do things, I grow eager to go through this little "orienting" process to settle my space. Once I cleanse away the lingering effects of the energy others have brought into my home, I can then get back to clearly feeling my own. I can get back to my center.

Today, I have no desire to leave the familiar, nurturing confines of my own home. I wish only to replenish myself so that I can resume going out into the world clearly hearing my own voice in a crowd of millions. My prayer for you, is that no matter where you are or who you are with...you can always find, hear and embrace your own incredible energy.   

do you ever wake up and have a random phrase or word just stick to the walls of your head? this morning it was fon du lac. i have no idea where i've come across it, but it's just been in my head. i'm going to keep a record of this. i looked it up; it's a city in wisconsin, wtf. 

1. If you feel a burning need to tell someone to shut up more than three times in one day with ANY consistency....get out.

2. If you have to resist rolling your eyes twice a day with ANY consistency....get out.

3. If you find yourself adding a "...but" after any complement you give someone...get out.

4. If you're more preoccupied with what others THINK you are feeling rather than being sure yourself...get out.

5. If you spend 25% of your time pretending you aren't angry when you are...get out.

6. If your friends have to remind you or offer you compelling reasons to not get out....get out. (And get new friends)

7. If you feel a need to explain or justify your s/o's behavior to get that appalled look off of your loved ones faces or feel alright with your circumstances...get out.

But be warned about taking my advice. I'm a chronically single woman. Perhaps I have no earthly clue what I'm talking about, or I'm the most intolerant person on the planet. 

there are some things you can't blog about.

gore_gore_g0re: i think i see you in north mankato like twice a week
gore_gore_g0re: the other day you had a tattoo and were driving a mini van
ghadxl: nice
ghadxl: sounds like the dream me
ghadxl: i want to move back bad
gore_gore_g0re: You should, then i'll actually have a friend in town that aspires more than getting schwasted every single night
gore_gore_g0re: its poop.
gore_gore_g0re: i hate the people in mankato
gore_gore_g0re: theyre all like drunky drunk drunk
ghadxl: i know that was partly why i bailed
gore_gore_g0re: and im like "woo! political change! lets make art! lets bake the world away!"
ghadxl: hahah
gore_gore_g0re: i feel very uncool.
ghadxl: im like woo eff politc eff the world im going to write a story
gore_gore_g0re: which is better than HOT DAMN i think i pissed my pants!
gore_gore_g0re: i love it when people brag about that shit
gore_gore_g0re: im like "hey so does my 3 year old nephew... but he can't help it!' doucheface.
ghadxl: they brag about it?
ghadxl: i thought we were supposed to be ashamed of that
ghadxl: maybe they watched billy madison one too many times
gore_gore_g0re: "DUDEMAN, last night I drank an entire bottle of vodka then my cat and i rolled around in my puke for about an hour before i peed in my girlfriend's hair, tomorrow night... 24 pack of corona?! schweet! im thurr!"
ghadxl: hahaha sadly i can totally hear that
gore_gore_g0re: "Last night i got so schwwaaassteeddd that i cheated on my girlfriend, lost my wallet, kicked a baby in the head, got arrested for peeing in a public fountain, ate a tube of raw hamburger then ralphed neon black! let's do it again, dude! ROCK AND ROLL!"

PUKE!